Silence

I'm so tired. Physically for now. Just got home at 6AM. Lying speechless on my bed after getting all the scoldings from both my parents because I live a life like I don't have a home, according to them. Despite having to go against my parents a lil, which honestly I don't feel good either, but in every conversation/nagging session w my parents, my mind tells me to remain silent.

Every question they toss at me, I just remain speechless. I don't know what to say, what more to defend myself. I am not really a verbally defensive person, I rather take in everything people say, and eventually forget if I don't give a fuck.

I know I have been taking their trust on me for granted. I don't know really, but I'm pretty sure they trusted me enough to have given me this much freedom. It's almost unbelievable that I have never had a curfew. By curfew I mean, restrictions on what time to be home. As good as it may sound, too much freedom can be bad. I get too much trust and freedom to the extend that I feel lack of attention from my parents. I feel like they don't care, enough.

Hereby I just want to apologise to both my parents, I do things very irresponsibly. I don't open up to them much, in fact too damn little. I don't even talk to my mum. I always go towards my dad. At the same time, I'm grateful when comparing myself w other kids, because I have parents like this. I believe its the way they bring me up, and the way I was brought up. They brought me up to study well and take academics seriously, and in turn I maintain my best in my studies. I am not like super genius but I'm not failing.

However, I know. My actions always go overboard. I do things like I forgot I have parents. The conversations on whatsapp w my parents is like a monolog, its only them talking to me, especially my mum.

Ugh, so fucking tired seeing the sun rising above my head. Another day has passed and a new day is approaching. This means, I have to see the same people again at work. I have to face the same nonsense from them, hear the same gossips, and hurting my own feelings because of my own stupidity, again.