Selfish

I was so surprised. I was expecting something, yes I totally was. Expectations lead to disappointment. It was worse than disappointment, it was pure heartbreak. I am constantly questioning myself, what have I ever done to you that you have to treat me like this? Initially I blame myself, but had no answers and response from you. Eventually, I am blaming you, and I really hate you to the core.

Your face looked restless. I don't know what are you up to, and I don't really care. My decision of shaking my head was right. You do not deserve my help. You didn't even bother to ask anything, not even a simple hi. I expected a Hi, well, that's all. You said absolutely nothing. You obviously are taking advantage of me, making use of my kindness and taking me for granted. At this point, I don't mind if you stab me in the heart, I really won't feel any pain. Because you have already hurt me so many times, I don't mind one last time if it's for the good of both parties.

You are so selfish. I don't know if you were conscious when you said you were serious about this shit. I bet you were not, but that's not the problem. The real problem is I trusted you. The little me inside knew that you're lying and telling me not to fall for it again, but another me just decided to suicide. I was proud that you finally woke up, but it was all lies. It's like I just suffered a bad cancer, suppressed with medication, but one day I just forgot to take the medication and pulled myself closer to death once again.

I guess we are not meant for each other. Am I speaking too soon? It's hard to tell when the other party doesn't give a flying fuck about your feelings. Here's everything I wanna throw in your face. Please, for fuck sake, stop playing with my feelings and making use of me. It seems like you found your comfort zone in uni, and if that's the reason you're ignoring me, then please fuck off to your uni. You and your ego should burn in hell. I don't know if your mother brought you up to play around w girls like this, or is it your father? Shame on you. I don't care how desperate you are, who the fuck are you to do this? You take more than you give. You raise voices for all unnecessary reasons. I believe you have a kind heart, even until now. It's me, for being someone easy for you to bully.

I still love you, that's bullshit. I hate you, please some car knock die you, now, tomorrow, asap.